Diary Part 4 - My past, Part 1
Hello everyone, like always, my name is Sonia Isabel but I named myself CupcakeVe because I'll be making videos very soon.Well, let me start from the beginning, 3 years ago, I was suffering from depression, illness and e.t.c.
I really had to many issues in my life: Everyone called me ugly and fat, the fact that I never had a boyfriend always made me sad. I ended up entering in a situation that it was impossible to resolve, my depression, I had family issues. Let's say I had a big issue in my social life.
Let's start from everyone calling me fat and ugly. You know, I never had the pretty face that everyone loves, and never was that cute little baby that everyone loves. I never had that skinny body either, I was the fat kid, the ugly one. Til today, no guy ever said that I was beautiful. Sometimes guys love to make fun of my face when I'm in the public places, all I can do is to look at them. Because of that I never had a boyfriend, I mean I did, we broke up two weeks ago...He broke up with me because he couldn't accept my past, a past that doesn't define me today. A past that I totally forgot about and learned to look forward. He broke up too because I didn't accept to have sexual activities with him. In the beginning, he accepted that I didn't wanted to do that before my marriage. He knew that my dignity is everything for me...he knew that I just wanted to give it when I married. But he didn't wanted to continue since I wouldn't give him what he wanted. It was a difficult past. When I was a kid, I used to "roleplay date" in the internet alot when I met someone that called me beautiful for the first time. He meant so much for me. I met a "roleplay mother" too. My "mother" had a girlfriend, yes, she was a lesbian but I accepted that, it didn't matter. Some time later, my "mother" tells me that boyfriend died in a car accident trying to come here. I felt horrible that day, I went insane, like always nobody knew what I was going trough, I suffered in silence. Some days later, my roleplay mother disappears. Her girlfriend was really down, she was worried about her. After all the drama, her girlfriend finds out what happened...My "mother" never existed, my boyfriend didn't die. He was married and had a child, he was the one who made my roleplay mother's account, the one who always talked who always talked to me. Her girlfriend was really...I don't know how to describe..you know, imagine you loving someone so much and find out that the person you really love, doesn't exist. It's really hard to go trough that..But a hate inside of me was born, I totally hated him to the point to kill him, but I couldn't do anythin...So I went to my room, in my bed and suffered in silence. Later on, at school, things weren't going well, I was suffering from a big depression. I thought there was no solution for me, so last year in summer, I tried suicide..I took many pills and lay down on my bed,..
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